We Smile, She Smiles

Four More Down and a New Year Ahead

2011-12-26T14:47:00.000-08:00

Well we made it through another holiday season and the dreaded four...Halloween, Taylor's Bday, Thanksgiving and Christmas. This year was no doubt easier than last year and I know that next year will be even easier. We took some family time and we took some time for ourselves. We actually bought gifts this year and even gave them to each other. Next year, we keep saying we'll do the tree, and the lights, and all the decorations again, because we'll have Cade. But there is that terror, that voice in the back of my head, every time we say it that says "if he makes it that long". I try to fight it and push that awful voice aside. It's a terrible way to think and an even worse way to live. I hope my head is stronger when he actually comes. And, I hope we can push aside the fear of lose to enjoy each and every moment. The soft angelic voice that comes, one that I'm sure would be Taylor's, tells me we will. Tells me we'll be strong and that we'll get through this. That Cade will grow big and that we'll make many happy memories with love and laughter. That's the voice I embrace, the voice of my sweet angel. So, as we head into a New Year and new beginnings, I wish that for all of you...Embrace the Voice, the sweet voice and cherish every moment you have. Happy New Year.

Just Missing You...

2011-12-15T20:59:00.000-08:00

Feeling sad and empty right now. Starting to work on Team Taylor and looking at all of your pictures makes me miss you so much. I don't really have much to say other than that tonight. MISS YOU MUNCHKIN, MY SWEET BABY GIRL.

Another Step

2011-11-02T17:58:00.000-07:00

We spent the weekend starting to pack up Taylor's room. Courtney came in to town and sat and listened to me talk about every peice of her clothing as we folded it up and put it in a box. So many outfits I can still see her in. I remember the way she felt when I held her in each and every outfit. Her baby smell and how cute she looked in everything! And then there were the outfits she never even got to wear. What dreams and visions we had of her in each and every one of them. It was hard not to torture myself with the thoughts of how cute things would look when she started to walk and grew long blonde hair. I don't even know what she'd be doing now. She'd be two in less than two weeks, what do they do at two? We were so robbed of so many beautiful memories. SIDS strikes quietly and swiftly. It happens to you, you mourn, your friends mourn, your family mourns and then you have to get better. It's not something you endure day in and day out with fear of a bad outcome. It is just a bad outcome and it absolutely does not get the research dollars it needs. It was SIDS awareness month last month and I, a SIDS parent, didn't even know it. A charity we follow put an online donation page up to raise $10,000. A national organization and as of October 25th, they had raised $415 dollars and embarrassingly lowered their goal to $1,000. It absolutely killed Mark and I. I wish more than anything I had the time to do something, to generate money or create something that would go 100% to research. Some day, I promise! I promise for Taylor and Noah and Peter and all the other babies.

Today's Chapter

2011-10-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

It's been so long that I could probably right a book with all the thoughts in my head over the past few months. Since the last time I wrote we found out we are pregnant again. The initial news was much different this time than with Taylor. A milisecond of joy and then thousands of seconds of guilt. Guilt that we were happy even for that millisecond. And guilt wishing that it would be Taylor again. The first few months were torture, worrying about every little thing. Not knowing this person that I've become. I've never worried like this before.

A few months later some of the worry went away when we did a detailed ultrasound and found out that we were having a boy. The emotion that washed over me at that very second was something I can't even begin to explain. Again happiness, but the glaring realization that it's not Taylor. It's never going to be Taylor. That night I sat on the couch looking at her bright blue eyes I stare at every night and cried. Not sadness sobbing, but a release that came from saying good bye in a little way I hadn't said yet.

Since that day, I've had more excitement then fear for this new little guy, Cade Jackson. I certainly don't miss Taylor any less and when I stop to really think about who she'd be today it's still like a sucker punch to the gut. That she would be two in less than a month, that she'd be walking around my office with such wonder of the snack bag in her hand, tugging at Mark's leg saying "Dada, No" with a whip only she could get from her mother, or eating a cupcake with frosting all over her face and mine. Lately, I find myself looking at her picture and saying in my head "my baby is dead". These awful, painful words, words I couldn't swallow months ago, but words that spin through my head daily at the realization that this isn't her doing flips in my tummy. I know Cade will be just as loved (maybe slightly more smothered), but I can't help the torture inside my head and my heart. The fear of buying clothes for him bigger than 6 months, the fear of everything, crazy things. Things I would have talked any and all of my friends out of if they said them to me, but things that go through my head every single day. Having been that person that talked people off a ledge so much I realize now how true it is that only someone that's been here can understand. I mean, how many husbands and wives have to promise not to yell across the house for fear of bringing back the fear and torture of that awful day? How many parents have to walk down the hall multiple times a day past the room their baby took her last breaths in? Breaths she took all alone. Breaths she took without me there to hold her. She must have been so scared. While for the most part, I've forgiven myself for these things, how will I ever leaves Cade's side? How will I ever let him sleep without being able to feel his breath or his heartbeat? I want to be the parent I was before, the person I was before. But I know that's not a possibility. I just hope for the possibility of being somewhat "normal"....I guess only time will tell....

The great gift of friendship

2011-06-06T19:14:00.000-07:00

Friends...the gift one has when the world around you feels empty. Especially in a world where you feel as if your most treasured gifts have been taken away. We spent Friday night at an event for a family that lost their son a few weeks back. He missed his 4th birthday by days and sounded like a boy with a spirit that could
light up a room. I sat at this event and watched the hundreds of people that rallied in his honor, many of them who never had the honor to meet him or his parents. Some there because their hearts were broken from a near and dear loss, some there because of a desire to do something, and then the some that touch my heart every day. These some were there because they remember, they remember, how the loss of our sweet munchkin rocked our home and rocked our community. They remember the visible anguish we felt and can still see the anguish deep within our souls. They, like Mark and I, want to take just one ounce of that pain away from those parents, their friends, cousins, or grandparents. So whether we knew them or not, we were touched today by another angel. Because while it's been almost 20 months, the wounds are still raw and every scene reminds us of what it's like to lose your most treasured gift. And in our case, what it was like to
lose our sweet baby girl, Taylor Paige.

Just Missing You

2011-05-17T19:20:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a long time since I've written. We had a rough couple weeks with my birthday and mother's day. Days that should be celebrated with our little girl. Why do I get to have birthdays, I want her to have birthdays. I want her to run down the hall and say "mommy, daddy and I made you breakfast". But I'll never get those things from my sweet Taylor.

We've had so many distractions and so little down time right now, but there's still not a day or even an hour that goes by that I don't think about my sweet munchkin. A little boy was in the store on Sunday. He had white blonde hair with little curls and bright blue eyes. He was crawling up chairs, running around and laughing as Blue licked him in the face. I just knew he was Taylor's age, so I wasn't surprised when I asked his mom how old he was that she said 18 months. At that moment I realized, Taylor would have been 18 months on Sunday. She'd be crawling up chairs, running around and laughing when Blue licked her in the face. I just don't know when I'll ever understand why she doesn't get to do these things.

I'm just missing her so much right now that my heart hurts. Mark and I are adjusting to this new life and new hours with the store and I sit here each night for a few hours before he gets home...with such quiet in the house. I hate the quiet...I hate not having her here to talk to, to pick up after and to hug. My sweet baby girl, I hate that you aren't here where you should be. You should be here with your mommy and your daddy!

It's as if I've gone to this place where this isn't my life. I work so hard to stay busy and distracted that the few moments I do have I avoid looking in her eyes at the pictures all around the house. I don't go in her room anymore. I can't watch the videos that I used to spend hours watching over and over again. The sadness surrounds me still so much that I can't break it. It's all just such a strong reminder that she's gone. That we'll never have new pictures, a big girl bed or new videos of her riding a bike, her first day of school or her prom date. I just want to get old with my baby girl. Oh Taylor Paige...

An Angel with so Much Inspiration

2011-04-30T21:17:00.000-07:00

Wow what a whirlwind it has been. Mark and I set on a journey almost one year ago. After losing our sweet angel, Taylor, Mark set on fulfilling his dream of opening a running store. Although we first set our sites on October that quickly became black Friday, then before PF Changs, then Spring...fitting I guess that we would open the store days after the "anniversary" of losing our baby girl. The absolute best way we could honor her memory.

We made it through the week with our eyes set on the prize of the store. Along the way we were touched by random acts of kindness from all over. I started this blog back in the day to highlight the kind things people did and their stories in the name of Taylor. And I know that reading back over the past few posts I've gotten away from the good highlights as the sadness of this time of year has taken over. That is why today I will focus on the good...the good of Mark's store, the good of the stories we received last week, and the good of the family and friends we have every where. Thank you for continuing to keep our munchkin's smile going.

The Eve of...

2011-04-17T22:04:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been truly remarkable. Another reminder of what amazing family and friends we have. We had almost 120 people run in memory of our baby girl for Pat's Run in Tempe and sold over 250 Team Taylor shirts. (Yes my husband and all of his Wildcat buddies ran into Sun Devil Stadium, showing just how truly amazing Taylor is). We also were able to raise over $3,000 for SIDS research through Team Taylor shirts. I hope one of these dollars will help another family out there and prevent them from the pain that we've felt through the past year.

As I sit reflecting on the past couple days, I of course think about the past year and what has brought me to this point. Tomorrow is the dreaded day, although today being a Sunday was maybe even more difficult than what tomorrow might be. At 11:15 this morning how could I not think about that day and what happened to us 52 Sundays ago? At 7:30 when I woke up, how I watched with admiration down the hallway as Mark fed Taylor breakfast and how amazing she was that she wanted to hold the spoon already. At 8:15 how I read her her favorite book before her nap for the very last time. At 9:30 this morning how could I not wish that I had gone in when I heard her instead of feeling a calmness that she must have just gone back to sleep. At 11:45 all I could ask myself is why didn't he answer my prayers on the lawn that day and not take my baby girl from her mommy and daddy. This afternoon how could I not think about the last time I ever got to hold my baby girl, rub her soft hair or kiss her sweet cheeks. How could I not think about the vision of the nurse holding her in the rocking chair as I walked out of the room leaving that hospital without my baby. That today marks 365 days since the last day I ever saw my sweet munchkin, Taylor. Oh baby girl, Mommy and Daddy miss you so much!

A Life I Wish Wasn't Mine...

2011-04-11T19:30:00.000-07:00

51 weeks, one day, eight hours and ten minutes ago...my life came to a screeching halt...The one perfect gift I was given was taken away from me and her daddy. I know I'll never forget that day and the pain that came with it. Here I sit almost a year later, staring at her pictures with tears in my eyes, that day as fresh in my mind and in my broken heart as it was 51 weeks, one day, eight hours and ten minutes ago. Why weren't my prayers answered, why would such a perfect baby need to go to Heaven. I still don't understand, I never will understand. This is my life...a life I wish wasn't mine. And while I know it's just a part of my life, it's the biggest hole ever. A neverending bottomless pit in my stomach without my little girl. Everywhere I go, everything I do there are reminders. Little girls with blonde hair and blue eyes. They look at me as if they see the sadness underneath. Sometimes they stare and we lock eyes until the tears well up inside. They are constant reminders of what she'd be doing now, what she could look like and how much joy she'd bring me. But instead this is my life. Not a life that I get to post new photos on facebook, or talk about her next milestone, but a life where I get to show a picture of her place. I can't even call it what it is...her gravesite. That's my life, that's where I get to go to see my little girl, to talk to her, to sing her songs. And while it's beautiful, it's still a gravesite for a 5 month old perfect little baby girl that should be with her mommy and daddy. Our Sweet Munchkin, Taylor Paige

The Dreaded Month is Here

2011-04-02T09:31:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's April. 17 days away from one full year. One full year since we lost the most precious part of our lives. Taylor, our sweet baby girl. When I think back to that day, I think about how far we've come and how I never, ever thought we'd make it to a point where the tears only rise to the surface once a day and the gut wrenching sobs only once a week. When I think back to that day, my stomach turns in knots and my heart beats a little faster. When I think back to that day, I wish I had done so many things different. If only I'd known...nap time would never have come.

So many things I could write about now, but the one that is so fresh in my mind is a story of a soldier. A friend I've worked with for over a decade, her son. A brave young man, if you can even call a 20 year old a man. I think about what I was doing at that age, and definitely won't put any of that in here, but what a brave young man he was. Fighting for our country. Looking into the eyes of battle every single day. And unfortunately, like the story of our baby girl, this story is ridden with sadness. On Tuesday, he was shot in battle and while he was strong and brave and such a special part of his mother's world, his time on this world was done. I won't say the story ends sadly as I would never say that about Taylor. Because these stories must live on. Their memories must live on!!! Not just to make me, or his mother feel better, but to make everyone out there better people. To make everyone out there grateful for what they have. To make everyone out there hug and kiss their children a few more times each day, because they are the lucky ones that get to do so. Because his mother, his father, me and Mark would give anything in this world to be able to hug and kiss Dustin or Taylor one more time!

A Wonderful Quote

2011-03-21T20:49:00.000-07:00

The Spring...it used to be my favorite time of year. It's "no weather" in Arizona...not too hot, not cold. Weather you can hang with friends outside with a cocktail or relax by the pool without sweating like crazy or what I'll always remember...sitting in the backyard with my sweet munchkin, Taylor. We'd swing on the hammock and I'd tell her all about the trees and the flowers. The wind would blow and she'd take a little gasp and look around in wonder. The bright lights and sounds she loved so much. I'd tell her all about the swimming pool and how her Daddy couldn't wait to teach her how to swim. Such joy. And now Spring brings such a sadness, such a longing for the sweet baby girl who touched so many lives. I hear the birds chirping and I have to search deep down in my soul for a smile. A smile that I know she'd want me to have. And a smile that I know would make her smile...but it's just not the same.

I can't believe it's been almost a year. The days blow by and that "anniversary" looms. The day we lost our sweet baby girl...will forever bring a new sadness to Spring.

While the sadness is always there, I keep trying to remind myself of all the lives she touched. My counselor shared a poem with me the last time I saw her. She said it made her think of Taylor...

"The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt" - Frederick Buechner

A need for kindness...searching...

2011-03-06T17:34:00.000-08:00

a friend at work, Lisa shared a story with me the other day that touched my heart...She had given a friend in need some money to help. Much to her surprise this friend returned the money after she got herself to a better place. Lisa has been looking for places to give this moeny ever since. In the past week she told me she had two people cross her path that needed help. She felt that Taylor was sending them to her...which obviously touched my heart. Your smile spreads love and light. It never ceases to amaze me how much your spirit has touched everyone around daddy and I.

We saw a little boy today that would be just few months younger...and yesterday, daddy saw Clyde, the boy you would have run from :)...you should be running around...we should be exhausted from chasing you...not exhaustion from missing you...but that's all we feel...just missing you...our sweet baby girl, Taylor Paige

This is Happiness

2011-02-24T19:59:00.000-08:00

This is happiness...those are words I haven't spoken in longer than I can even seem to remember. Words that I used to say every night to Mark when I fed my sweet baby girl, Taylor, before bed. I would hold her and smell her clean baby smell after a bath. The feel of her soft baby hair so freshly clean on my hands is a feeling I will never ever forget....THIS IS HAPPINESS. Oh, how I long for those smells, for the feel of her little hands in mine. There's a hole in my heart in the shape of you...lyrics that explain it all.

Thanks for sending your smile, baby girl

2011-02-09T18:29:00.000-08:00

I received the best sign and random act of kindness today. Over the weekend, I lost a charm that daddy gave me right after our sweet Munchkin was born. The one piece of jewelry I had from before we lost her. A Tiffany charm that said "Mom" and Taylor Paige inscribed on the back. While I don't have many tearful days anymore, when they hit, they hit hard. The night I realized I lost it, I felt like my heart was breaking again, like I'd lost a peice of my girl all over again...pain that I can't really describe. We searched the house high and low, but I knew that it was probably lost at the Phoenix Open never to be found again.

Today I received a voicemail from a friend of Mark's that I had just met over the weekend...the sweetest message. You could hear the joy in his voice that while cleaning the trailer he found the charm and that he could return what he knew must have meant so much to us. The best part of the story is wife shared with me when I picked it up at their house. When he found it, his first instinct had him throw it in the trash. He continued cleaning and said that the glisten of the silver kept catching his eye, so he went back and picked it back up to see Taylor Paige on the back. Our Munchkin wanted it to come home to me...I just know it and so did they.

It made me realize, what everyone has been telling us all along. She wants us to be happy, she wants us to smile, she wants us to make new memories of peace and joy...and that it's all ok, that we won't be leaving a peice of her behind if we do.

We love you so much baby girl! And thank you Kevin and Brooke for being her messengers!

Missing You...

2011-02-01T19:22:00.000-08:00

Sweet baby girl...the wind is blowing and the windchimes that your great Aunt Patty gave us are jingling in the night air. Daddy and I were just talking about our favorite part of the day...waking you up and that giant grin after a night's sleep. It is such a struggle in our minds between the terrible day we lost you and one of our favorite memories.

We just spent the weekend in Telluride and every little girl we saw cruising down the mountain reminded us of who you could have been. You would have "dominated" the mountain as your daddy said. Last year when we were in Tahoe and you spent your fun weekend with Papa Jack and Grandma Marilyn, we looked at those little girls with such excitement and anticipation of your days on the mountain and our ski trips as a family.

When we were on one of the trail lifts we met a couple who was so elated after a waitress had returned a diamond bracelet they had lost. it was as if they knew we needed to hear their story at that very moment.

Missing you and loving you every second of every day!!!!!!

A New Year...

2011-01-07T17:27:00.000-08:00

Toasting in 2011 was the first holiday we've actually been able to celebrate...moving past 2010 was something we were so looking forward to it. And while we aren't surprised the sadness is still there, we are so relieved to have the "first holiday" without our sweet angel behind us. It was so hard to partake in any kind of Random Act of Kindness when all we felt was sadness and grief for what should have been. But with 2011 in front of us, we're working to embrace new adventures.

Mark's last day at work was on Monday and he's full time focused on opening his running store, iRun in Arcadia. While it's a dream he's always had, it's unfortunate that it took losing Taylor to make the dream a reality. Hopefully our Taylor will inspire not only her daddy but people everywhere that have a dream to go after it and know that life is way to short to not take a risk and jump!

I've loved all the emails I've received from people all over that have done or been given Random Acts of Kindness. Her smile has spread from California all the way to Virginia.
Thank you all for keeping our sweet munchkins smile going!

Wishing for a Different Christmas

2010-12-23T14:26:00.000-08:00

Daddy shared with me how sad he is this morning...wishing that you were here to know the joy of Christmas...He talked about how this time of year was always his favorite and how much he wishes you had that too.

It's so wrong and so unfair that you never got to open a present, sing Christmas carols or idealize the joys of Santa Claus. That's what kids are supposed to do. They are supposed to be up all night anticipating what will be under the tree. They are supposed to learn the meaning behind Christmas, make Christmas cookies, and pray that Santa will put them on the nice list.

Our precious Taylor, our sweet baby girl, we miss you so much! Everytime someone says Merry Christmas, I think of you and wish for a different kind of Christmas.

A Wonderful Way to Spread Her Smile

2010-12-19T16:47:00.000-08:00

Our dear friend, Lindsay Perry, who purchased the blue bracelets we wear everyday, did another amazing random act of kindness in sweet Taylor's memory. In her engagement/Christmas card she attached one of Taylor's RAOK cards asking all of her friends and family to spread kindness in our little munchkin's name. It's truly amazing the impact our baby girl has had all over. We've received a few notes but understand it's hard to post comments on this blog. If you are unsuccessful posting a comment below, I invite you to share your story with Mark & I by emailing us at kocosmas@cox.net.
Thank you for spreading her smiles.
XOXO!

Parrallel Life

2010-12-01T17:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder if there's a parallel life out there somewhere where my sweet girl is growing older, walking and starting to say mama or dada. What I wouldn't do to be in that world...then I could hold her, smell her, celebrate her milestones and relish in the little girl she would be. We crave that feeling of being her mommy and daddy so badly and it's especially tough this holiday season. We were so happy this time last year, with people constantly visiting to meet our little munchkin, her first Thanksgiving and Christmas. Holiday with the family took on a meaning. Now it's so hard to find things to be thankful for, when all we want is our sweet Taylor to be here for her second Thanksgiving and her second Christmas. While we try to get through this time we continue to spread smiles in her honor. Daddy did one the other day by helping the little girls of the Phoenix Girls Choir....and it was so great to see him do it because I know he did it thinking of our sweet girl. We appreaciate all of your love and support but most importantly ask that you continue to spread love and good deeds in honor of our munchkin this Holiday season...

My Sweet Baby's Birthday

2010-11-15T07:56:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been a year since the most amazing smile and spirit entered our lives. I'll never forget that day and the joy sweet Taylor brought into our lives. She was absolutely perfect in every way. And while today should be filled with balloons, cake and her little giggles, the silence of the house eats away at our broken hearts.

Yesterday, we were joined by 70 friends and families to paint a home in downtown Phoenix where homeless children can go for food and showers. The outpouring from people was truly amazing. While I know her smile continues to touch thousands everywhere, I would still give anything to hold her and sing her happy birthday. So, on this day more than ever please do your random acts of kindness and pass on our sweet munchkin's smile.

Rewarding the Good In People

2010-11-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

We've all had that experience at dinner or while shopping or in my case at the Gym and the tire store. The experience that exceeds your expectations. But how often do we take the time to pass on to their boss how wonderful that person treated you. Or why not above their boss and to the CEO or President of the company. Sometimes these people are so removed they don't hear how the people on the streets are doing...and when they do, it's usually a complaint. Not only could you give a breath of fresh air to the higher up, but you could really help out the person that made your experience great. One quick little note or voicemail letting someone know how wonderful they are could earn them a promotion or a raise. In fact, in this day and age it could save their job.

I did this awhile back after a great experience buying tires...yes I know how can buying tires be a great experience...well they made it one. Today I went back and acknowledged my spin instructor, for not only being an amazing instructor and kicking our butts, but for creating a family atmosphere and being such a wonderful support to me when Taylor passed and when I returned to class. Something I needed to do this week, a week that's been so tough with Halloween and Taylor's looming birthday. I miss her so much right now, that all I can do to make feel better is pass on her pretty smile.

Love you munchkin!

Try to Find the Smile

2010-10-15T07:49:00.001-07:00

Taylor would be 11 months today...it's so hard not to think of the things she'd be doing or saying. Especially with reminders at every turn. I can't believe she's been gone almost 6 months and yet my heart aches so much still. Somehow we fake it until we make it, but missing her just never goes away. It's not fair and it's definitely not right.

I saw a group of firemen while grabbing lunch the other day. I asked one of them if he was from the Missouri house because they were one of the ones that responded and I wanted to thank him. Even though he wasn't from there, I thanked them for all they do and gave him one of Taylor's Random Acts of Kindness cards. I can't imagine the things they've seen...the losses, the sadness. These men and women are amazing and it felt so good to share our graditude for what they tried to do for our sweet baby girl, Taylor.

So off for another day of trying to find the smile. Whether it's on my face or those of others when I can pass on little munchkin's smile.

A Day of Kindness

2010-10-06T07:39:00.000-07:00

There is no better way than to start the day with a Random Act of Kindness. While getting my tea at Starbucks, I treated the person behind me and left Taylor's smile for them. And then I was off to Phoenix Children's Hospital for a day of driving donations to help the sick children of the Valley. Watching the phones ring all day and talking to people that had been truly touched by the stories we told on-air was such an inspirational thing. To see the goodness in people at every turn. During a recession, during a crazy Arizona storm, people called by the thousands. Some donating the $10 they could spare, some children giving their allowance, some businesses giving thousands. And many donating in my sweet baby girls memory. Thank you to Kevin Z, Penny and Gina. Those are just the ones I knew about. Thank you for continuing to pass on Taylor's smile.

Mark and I met an amazing family today who's 6 year old, Kate, continues to battle brain cancer. (prayforkate.com) Her strength, smile and the determination in her big blue eyes are such an inspiration. We were able to give her a bear in Taylor's name, which she named Snowy. To see the love that their family has through all they endured, is so warming. We were so happy to share our angel, Taylor with them and hope nothing but the best comes their way.

Many Days...Many Emotions

2010-10-04T20:33:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've posted, but the Random Acts of Kindness are everywhere. Daily I have people tell us of wonderful things they do in our sweet baby girl's memory. Today I spent a few hours at Phoenix Children's Hospital for the KTAR Radiothon... a remind of the sadness that parents feel with sick children and a reminder that no parent should ever have to lose a child. I hear of many miracles that the people at PCH help to make happen and while I wish ours had ended differently, to be able to help increase the number of miracles out there is a good feeling.

I know Taylor's sweet smile will continue to help the children of PCH as we left behind four big bags of stuffed animals for them. While I wish I could see her smile in person and her her little giggle, I know her purpose is more than anything I could have ever imagined.

More Smiles...

2010-08-15T12:26:00.000-07:00

Taylor would be 9 months today. Every month we are able to celebrate her memory a little more. The best way possible is by doing Random Acts of Kindness with memories of her smile. Friday Mark and I paid for the guys meal behind us in line at In N Out burger and this morning Taylor's daddy gave money to Steve Wampler. He's a man with Cerebral Palsy who is working towards climbing El Capitan. What an inspiration he is walmperfoundation.org. So happy Taylor's smile can help him and the kids of his camp.

When we posted our Random Act of Kindness on FB on Friday a few people shared ones that they've done recently...paying for someone's parking and helping an older man with his groceries. Her smile is helping people everywhere. Mommy is so proud of the impact Taylor has made on peoples lives!

If Only...

2010-07-16T20:58:00.000-07:00

If only we could've celebrated your 8 month birthday yesterday with joy. Instead we dream of the baby girl you'd be now. Would you be crawling...or doing what your daddy thinks you'd be doing and running marathons already? We miss you, sweet baby girl! While we are a little less sad then we were on your would be 7 month birthday, we'll always dream of the girl you'd be now...One things for sure you'd be happy and smiley. So, in the meantime we work on spreading your smile every day!
Love and miss you tons!

More Random Acts of Kindness

2010-06-28T20:30:00.000-07:00

Thank you for all your Random Acts of Kindness so far. They bring a smile to our faces everytime we read one. The latest one that Mark and I did was to help my station, Sports 620 KTAR's, annual Sporting Goods Drive for the Boys and Girls Club. We donated two bags of new sporting goods equipment and left behind Taylor's Random Acts of Kindness cards. It felt wonderful to pass on her smile to these kids!

Please keep the posts coming by adding your Random Act of Kindness to the comments below.

7 Month Birthday

2010-06-15T19:10:00.000-07:00

Munchkin would've been 7 months today...we miss you and dream every second of what you would be today. We saw a little boy today that looked like he was about 7 months and he stared at your Mommy with these deep blue eyes, just like yours...it was like you were looking at us and sending us your love...Miss and love you!!!
Mommy and Daddy

A Much Needed Sign

2010-06-14T15:20:00.000-07:00

Everyone keeps saying "she's with you always". While it's truly the one thing I need to believe more than anything, I've been struggling with it and needed a sign.

While in Coronado, the most beautiful butterfly took up residence right next to us on the patio. She hung out in the flowers and on the grass for two whole days.

Sweet baby girl...my beautiful Munchkin...Mommy knows you are with me always...ESKIMO KISSES. I love and miss you more than I can ever express.

Ideas for Random Acts of Kindness

2010-06-11T11:44:00.000-07:00

Pay for a couples meal at dinner
Plug someones parking meter
Pay for someones coffee or drive thru meal behind you
Read books to children at a local library
Carry someones groceries for them
Buy an extra pair of shoes for a child at a shoe store
Volunteer your time at a nursing home or children's shelter
Donate in-kind items or money to your favorite charity
Host a food, clothing or toy drive at your place of business
Let your employees wear jeans to work if they pay, donate the money to a charity
Make baked goods for a neighbor just because
Contact a utility company and pay for someone that may behind on their bills
Babysit for a friend who really needs a night out
Plant a tree or a garden in someones yard or for a non-profit
Spend time doing something you wouldn't usually do with your child
Bring flowers to a friend who's having a rough day or for no reason at all
Bring food to a fire station in your neighborhood
Send a card to a friend that you haven't talked to in awhile just to say hello
Pay for someone's toll or gas
Buy a toy for a child in a store
Give up your seat or parking spot in a crowd
Adopt a family

If you have any other ideas to share...please post them :)

Or if you've already done yours post a comment on any of our blog entries as we'd love to hear them.

Random Acts of Kindness

2010-06-08T14:49:00.001-07:00

Let's keep Taylor's smile alive by spreading joy to as many people as possible. Mark & I found great joy in delivering stuffed animals from Taylor's service to Ryan House and Crisis Nursery.

It made us feel good to pass on our sweet angel Taylor's smile to these children who need it so much that we ordered some Kindness Project cards from the MISS Foundation. The cards are meant to be left behind when doing random acts of kindness for people. This way we can all keep Taylor's smile alive.

We've purchased cards that we can give you next time we see you, but if you are anxious to get started you can visit MissFoundation.org/kindness/index.html to purchase your own Random Acts of Kindness cards.

Please post your act of kindness when you do it as it really does come full circle and brings light to Mark & I's hearts!
xoxo