Another Step

We spent the weekend starting to pack up Taylor's room.  Courtney came in to town and sat and listened to me talk about every peice of her clothing as we folded it up and put it in a box.  So many outfits I can still see her in.  I remember the way she felt when I held her in each and every outfit.  Her baby smell and how cute she looked in everything!  And then there were the outfits she never even got to wear.  What dreams and visions we had of her in each and every one of them.  It was hard not  to torture myself with the thoughts of how cute things would look when she started to walk and grew long blonde hair.  I don't even know what she'd be doing now.  She'd be two in less than two weeks, what do they do at two?  We were so robbed of so many beautiful memories.  SIDS strikes quietly and swiftly.  It happens to you, you mourn, your friends mourn, your family mourns and then you have to get better.  It's not something you endure day in and day out with fear of a bad outcome.  It is just a bad outcome and it absolutely does not get the research dollars it needs.  It was SIDS awareness month last month and I, a SIDS parent, didn't even know it.  A charity we follow put an online donation page up to raise $10,000.  A national organization and as of October 25th, they had raised $415 dollars and embarrassingly lowered their goal to $1,000.  It absolutely killed Mark and I.  I wish more than anything I had the time to do something, to generate money or create something that would go 100% to research.  Some day, I promise!  I promise for Taylor and Noah and Peter and all the other babies.