Monday, April 11, 2011

A Life I Wish Wasn't Mine...

51 weeks, one day, eight hours and ten minutes life came to a screeching halt...The one perfect gift I was given was taken away from me and her daddy.  I know I'll never forget that day and the pain that came with it.  Here I sit almost a year later, staring at her pictures with tears in my eyes, that day as fresh in my mind and in my broken heart as it was 51 weeks, one day, eight hours and ten minutes ago.  Why weren't my prayers answered, why would such a perfect baby need to go to Heaven.  I still don't understand, I never will understand.  This is my life...a life I wish wasn't mine.  And while I know it's just a part of my life, it's the biggest hole ever.  A neverending bottomless pit in my stomach without my little girl.  Everywhere I go, everything I do there are reminders.  Little girls with blonde hair and blue eyes.  They look at me as if they see the sadness underneath.  Sometimes they stare and we lock eyes until the tears well up inside.  They are constant reminders of what she'd be doing now, what she could look like and how much joy she'd bring me.  But instead this is my life.  Not a life that I get to post new photos on facebook, or talk about her next milestone, but a life where I get to show a picture of her place.  I can't even call it what it is...her gravesite.  That's my life, that's where I get to go to see my little girl, to talk to her, to sing her songs.  And while it's beautiful, it's still a gravesite for a 5 month old perfect little baby girl that should be with her mommy and daddy.  Our Sweet Munchkin, Taylor Paige

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