Sunday, July 8, 2012

Going on 4 days of no sleep

I guess it is only fitting that next Sunday Cade will be 5 months and three days. Crazy that it falls on a Sunday. He just started rolling over and absolutely will only sleep on his stomach. Since he started I just can't sleep...I'm so beyond terrified. I try to do everything they say to prevent SIDS. Nothing in the bumpers, blankets or stuffed animals. The room is always the perfect temperature and sleep to back. That is until 3 days ago. He just won't sleep on his back. I know he won't suffocate but I keep thinking crazy thoughts. What if he breathes in his own air, and dies of carbon monoxide...what if being on his tummy triggers his little brain to malfunction... I just can't take it. If something goes wrong and everything isn't perfect the way it is supposed to be I don't think I can make it through and forgive myself again. I mean that damn lovie!!! If it hadn't been in the crib with Taylor would my sweet munchkin still be here today???? I'm so tired and so terrified. It is taking me over and I don't know what to do other than stare at him...watching and praying my angel protects her little brother.

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